Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:flirty:
 

Tear Drops by ~splazzer:iconsplazzer:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


There once was a girl,
That sat alone,
If any one came around,
She’d smile and stand her ground,
With hope,
She waits,
For some one to stop,
For she needs it a lot,

Catching tear drops in her hand,
She wishes she could turn back the sands,
She sits with hope,
She wonders if she has to much hope,
She sits broken hearted,
Trying to hold back the tears,
But she has already started.
©2005-2009 ~splazzer
:iconsplazzer:

Author's Comments

i wrote this when i was fealing down, as most of my poetry normaly is. lol but any wayit was in spired by a soung by Norah Jones. it is one of my favorite soungs.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconbleedingsoul922:
~Bleedingsoul922 Jul 9, 2005, 1:16:44 PM
Awe, thats really sad. Its good, the rhyme is good, and the content is good. Its good.

I like the word good right now.

--
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
- TS Eliot
:iconpsobloke:
~psobloke Jul 10, 2005, 1:24:49 PM
Aww.. I really like this, it shows a lot of emotions very well, very good work =)

--
- PsoBloke (John)
Everything Sucks!
:iconelfychan:
~Elfychan Jul 11, 2005, 7:13:01 PM
Depressing, but cute.
I luv ya, girl.
Keep onnnnnnnn writin

--
I am [Jane's] inflamed sense of rejection.
:icondeathrose9:
~deathrose9 Jul 13, 2005, 10:15:53 AM
I see what you mean from when we were talking last night. I really like this one. Reminds me of Concrete Sngel (not Norah Jones). One thing- these two lines together really break flow when you rhyme hope with hope:

She sits with hope,
She wonders if she has to much hope,


What is you changed it to:

She sits with hope,
as she waits for the end.

Not the same idea as what you had, but makes it more ominous and darker.


Beautiful piece that I can truly connect with. Just needs a little work on the flow in those two lines, mainly the second line probably......
Previous PageNext Page

Details

July 8, 2005
560 bytes

Statistics

4
2 [who?]
52 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy